it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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