he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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