If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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