I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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