Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
