Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
