I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
birth control should be required to get into college
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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