woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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