Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I will pee on everything he values.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
