So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
