my mouth tastes like poor choices
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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