Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
