im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize