i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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