I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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