I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
