Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
