he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
