I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
