Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
