How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
