someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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