y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
