I think i sorta joined a cult last night
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
