No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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