I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
