Nicole vs. Life
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
