after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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