I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
