you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
