Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
