dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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