enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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