I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
