I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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