yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
