Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
