I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
