After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
