dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
