How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
