I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He passed out mid-signature
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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