the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
