Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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