Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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