Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
should my penis look like a turkey
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
