What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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