I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
