I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Found your dick twin last night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
