ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
