i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
