The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Randomize
