can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize