They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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