I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
