I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you made out with another girl for some wings
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
