Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize