just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
