omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
