His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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