I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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