how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
