He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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