Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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