Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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