Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
