Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
do nipples grow back?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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