there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
