And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just googled if crying burns calories
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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