dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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