I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
