I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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