have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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