is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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