paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
