Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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