I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
