I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
