I'll bet she douches with gravy.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
