can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
