It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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