I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
