I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
