I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
third nipple confirmed
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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