bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
