i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
