careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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