i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We need to get me chipped asap
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize