after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
