We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
