I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Randomize
