3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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