11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
