you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Randomize