He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
