Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My feet surprised me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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