Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
