You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
