need another drink. this is the easiest way
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
