Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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