Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
