You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize