fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
