Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
