Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
