Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
