I wanna bring you to show and tell
thus making me awesome and them whores
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize