Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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