I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
