I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
nutella sex= disaster
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
