I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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