yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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