If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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