my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
