I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
