I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
