So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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