not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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